Feeling What?

I was walking with my dog early this morning, and couldn’t help but eavesdrop on two young ladies’ conversation.

-I had this thing – you know like an “excitement” yesterday! I don’t know what to do! I’ve never done this procedure at the hospital…

-I know right! I was the same! 

-I mean I couldn’t sleep till three, I had this thing in my stomach, I don’t know what it is…

It went on and we split ways. I gathered that they were some sort of healthcare workers. You know, the kind that helps people, feel better. And at a complete loss for words to describe how they feel themselves. 

Is this normal?

Is this a general issue? Were we as unaware of the sensations in our body a thousand year ago as we are today? 

Or is it simply a problem of articulating them; that we can identify the sensation, we may recognize its significance but we are not as literate in the human psyche to transcribe it into words, let alone make sense of it? 

Are we simply inept at connecting with our own physical bodies nowadays among all the artificial distractions?

I’m aware that generalizing a single instance into a collective behavior is not a valid rhetoric, but I am not bashing humanity as a whole while staying blemish-free. Years ago when I started therapy, this one theme had kept popping up and apparently it was quite common. It was “not being in touch with my own feelings”. In other words, rationalizing and explaining my reaction to events in terms of cause and affect principles, without acknowledging the presence of the middle link in the chain, ignoring the discomfort and the pain that had created my reaction in the first place.

Event →→  Feeling →→ Reaction

In other words, analyzing the whole mechanism of human psyche intellectually and identifying feelings as concepts rather than what they actually are: 

An intricate alert mechanism that we’d better be in tune with at all times- for the sake of our survival. 

WHY DO WE NEED FEELINGS ANYWAY?

Feelings obviously serve a purpose as with everything we are equipped with by Mother Nature- in their case, they warn us. Of danger at the core level, because we are wired to survive and feelings are among our primary tools. Our feelings may be alerting us to the environmental dangers that threaten our existence, such as a speeding car coming directly towards us while we are standing in the middle of the road. 

It doesn’t have to be as overtly dangerous though. They also could provide signals for subtle details that could lead to potentially dangerous situations- or have an impact on our well being, positive or negative. 

An example is our physical or mental boundaries being crossed by someone, like when someone unfamiliar stands too close, which sounds not at all dangerous in itself, but it could very well be. For this type of situation, we could feel fear, anger and anxiety-if prolonged exposure is the case, depending of the occasion. 

And yes, other animals have feelings too, as far as we are aware and they are quite skilled at living in alignment with their survival mechanisms, whereas it seems as if we have drifted apart from our bodily sensations with the constant artificial noise and distractions that we have created for ourselves. 

Are you in touch with your feelings?

If the answer is no, as it were for me, a little thing called “Feeling Wheel” has helped me a great deal on this subject. It is truly a gem, one of those secrets hidden in plain sight and in my opinion should be taught to children as early as possible within the boundaries of the neurological development.

Basically it is a wheel, a round chart with 3 levels of feelings being jotted, for instance: 

The feeling of being successful is a sub branch of being proud, and being proud is essentially being happy. 

How to Use the Feeling Wheel?

Every time you encounter a bothersome situation and have a sensation that is potentially a feeling; you simply refer to the chart and identify that sensation on that map as a feeling. It also helps to try and describe the sensation at this time as well, how it physically manifests itself. After a while, the brain automatically connects the dots and the association process becomes intrinsic quite fast, when the brain recognizes the sensation, it identifies the feeling.

What is it good for?

Well, identifying the feelings is the first step. The feelings can be quite intense, they may rise up at the most inconvenient times; creating unwanted tension or distraction where you might need to stay calm and focused. 

For instance, you really may want to dash out at your boss for being disrespectful towards you at the staff meeting. But it is not at all practical, nor smart. Between the stimulus and your action towards the stimulus, stands your feelings. What they are depends on your specific situation and your past experiences, you might feel i.e.: 

We rarely have a single emotion at any given time, it is almost always a combination of two or more. The identification of the feelings, that stimulus- your boss’ disrespect creates, will tell you what is wrong with that situation and when you know what is wrong, you may have a chance at making conscious and better decisions. Decisions that would probably lead to taking actions that are less destructive and more organized, aiming to solve the problems for the long haul. 

The previous chain of event-reaction illustration example, if you are capable of feeling your feelings, you have a chance to adapt your reaction, by altering your perception to the event, then affecting your feeling. 

Event →→ Feeling→→Assessment→→Altered Perception →→ Feeling→→ Reaction

For instance, if this behavior takes you by surprise, and is not a regular issue, you might want to investigate why it had happened in the first place. If he causes humiliation on a constant basis, a confrontation or a new job might be in order. If you believe your feeling is disproportionate to the event; then you might want to look at your own reaction towards the situation, and explore the reasons. 

Positive vs Negative Feelings

Feelings do not have poles. But as humans, we like to think in terms of black and white, so we categorize the ones that make us have good bodily sensations as positive, and the ones that create discomfort as negative. 

In fact they are quite straightforward, if it quacks, it’s a duck.

If it is a positive feeling (for a positive situation) it tells you that this place is enabling you to survive and thrive. There is food, there is shelter, there is safety. Still, the flag is up, and there is always a need to investigate; even for positive ones, to see if the current situation is indeed favorable for our survival and self-realization, so we might make our future decisions accordingly. It’s a constant feedback mechanism.

Negative feelings almost always indicate there is something amiss at that situation that better be addressed, for your own well-being. Inappropriate or uncalled for feeling is also an indicator, this time of a need for self-review. How you will address the situation depends on you, even deciding to take a non-action stance is an intentional form of addressing the problem. 

If the alert of our feelings is ignored however, it has a tendency to stick around like a guest that stays at your house way longer than they are welcome, until their presence become overwhelming and too much to handle. Unprocessed feelings create clogs, backlogs and they become stuck, and instead of whispering, they start shouting, in the hopes that you might finally hear them. This shout will also manifest as physical symptoms, such as illnesses, wreaking havoc on your body in the meantime. 

Feelings are much like ghosts; they will leave only if you acknowledge their presence and set them free.

Final Thoughts

Acknowledging your feelings is the key to a safe, happy and peaceful life as a human being and it ensures that your alert mechanism that you are naturally equipped with works properly . That would be saying to yourself i.e. “I feel humiliated” or “I feel embarrassed”. It’s not difficult, as long as you recognize them. Then it’s up to you what to do with it.  

Feeling Wheel is a great tool to start to listen to your body, understand its messages and interpret them to have a more meaningful life experience.  If you think it might be useful for you too, you may search the internet with “Feeling Wheel” to download, print and carry it with you.

Hope this helps in your personal journey.