An Idyllic Moment

Over the course of many years, I have had the misfortune to encounter and ward off many so called “self-help” books. Especially books about “how to communicate effectively”, how to influence other people” or “how to get want you want” (subtext- by every means possible) make me cringe whenever I pass them at the infamous Self-Help aisle. As I look at their carefully manicured covers and diabolically designed titles to appeal to our primal instincts, I wonder when it became so openly legitimate to teach people how to manipulate each other to further themselves in life.

Such scheming so publicly out and about at work, at home and basically in all areas of our lives and the additional dilemma of those carefully formulated instructions being presented as an art form- as if not everyone could master deceit- has created a society of people that are inherently insincere, appallingly self serving and self conscious do-gooders- on the surface. We all have to communicate effectively, not be a loser-whatever that is-, make tons of money, climb the ladders of success and be like CEO’s getting up at 5 am and reading 50 books per week; have lasting relationships, be good listeners to our friends, act properly and do and be all these things essentially at the expense of ourselves.

The target audience are of course the ones that simply could not take hold of the illusion of modern life- as it were, and became “unsuccessful” in grasping the basic rules of the game. The outcasts, the anarchists and the neurodivergents are all kindly asked to understand the rules and gently nudged towards the right path of “i.e. effective communication”, by helping themselves, thank you very much. Are we forgetting that we owe to the odd ones, whatever change we did for the betterment of our conditions throughout our history? The artists, the rebels, the thinkers? Who will then challenge the status quo if everyone is on board with our current illusion? By convincing the odd ones to adapt to the existing premise of societal norms they will simply become less of a nuisance and the game will ensure its existence in its own echo chamber – forever.

What is worse is being a victim of such schemes, especially by people that we thought were our friends or colleagues. We see and observe their stratagems applied on us, trying to bring the conversation back to an honest path, but their determination of “being successful in life no matter what” is there. We feel the oddity of the exchange, apparently they have no clue of our awareness, their hearts are closed and their whole concentration is on their brain of what and how to say next to us. We cannot express that we know what they are doing, because it could be too shameful- for them. Mirroring our sentences, constantly approving us and repeating our names to “assert themselves” or prove they are “listening effectively”, this feels like the end of spontaneous conversation where words fly from the depths of our psyche. Conversations are dull and practiced, trust, along with sincerity is thrown out of the window and we are left with the shadow of what is left of their humanity sans their soul’s essence. It is a deep dark pit where humans cannot write poems anymore. The loneliness of being surrounded by insincerity is worse than being alone.

As if the death of the form of conversation was not enough, our perceptions of life are also under attack. I cannot walk through that aisle or look about the internet or be exposed to a well intended advice of a friend without stumbling on another form of manipulation: Positivity. Shoved through our mouths, embroidered on tacky cushions on our couches, carved on nonsensical wooden panels in our kitchens : “Positive vibes only”. Being scrutinized constantly by the so called zen masters who had the misfortune of witnessing our unbecoming primitive negative thoughts and feelings at the expense of truth, authenticity, life itself has become a norm.

Who in their right mind would prefer a pole of a magnet over the other end is a mystery for me. I think they simply do not understand the basic principles of the world. Everything coexists with and within its opposite in our earthly realm, positive/negative, positron/electron, yin/yang, light/darkness. One simply cannot exist without the other, and all of them serve a purpose. If positivity is a force that pulls us towards a direction that we want to go to be happier and more fulfilled, negativity is the force that pushes us from our backs that indicate we are not happy at where we are. They both work for the same purpose, in different ways, complementing one another.

If we play nice and act positive, tell everyone and ourselves everything is all right, then how do we move forward? How do we change? Life is change. We could all sit under a tree, be stoic and contemplate about human condition, but then, what is the point of our living, when we lie to ourselves, pretend everything is good and be happy? Someone once said, “no one who is happy has ever changed the world”. Sometimes we need that negative energy to push us towards a better, or simply a different future.

I’m not saying we should not be grateful for where we are; that is a whole different story, I mean that we should listen to our negative emotions as well and be honest with ourselves, be sincere and DROP THE ACT. I just think we owe it to ourselves and the world to be ourselves unapologetically and exist in the world by presenting our unique contribution, real us.

And for a change, perhaps we could act for the benefit of our friends, colleagues or strangers instead of our SELVES and let them “win” – why not?-; perhaps we could prefer the path of truth, sincerity, kindness over manipulation tactics guised as skills.

It is a nice thought, one that is worth hoping for.

Yours Sincerely,

PS: Thanks for reading my negative vibes.