To the hermit in the cave with a decent internet connection that they use only for educational purposes; during Oscars, an infamous slap occurred. Chris Rock, the host, while bantering with the guests, dared to say to a Jada Smith “Love the G.I. Jane look”, or something to that effect, because she had a shaven head. She rolled her eyes like a school girl and then hell ensued. Her husband, Will Smith stood out of his front row seat, slowly walked to the host on the stage and slapped him. And upon returning to his seat he shouted at him to keep his wife’s name out of f… his mouth, or some other misogynistic remark. Chris Rock did not lose his composure because he is a professional and you don’t become a comedian hosting a show watched by millions with a thin resume nor skin.
Apparently Mrs. Smith had a health related hair problem (which I have experienced personally in the past) and she had had announced her sob story over social media. How could everyone in the world not know, because they simply have to? Apparently again, it was such a sensitive issue, that she had not put on a wig nor stayed at home to escape questions and remarks but rather announced it was so difficult to deal with hair loss beforehand so everyone would tiptoe around her.
There are actually people justifying or defending Mr. Smith’s violent behavior and that is where I started to get concerned. I could not care less about the Hollywood types. But on that stage and in the days that followed, millions of children and young people who idolized and looked up to those people learned that: 1st- it was O.K. to solve a conflict with physical assault and 2nd-the world would look kindly on them if they hid behind some archaic reasoning about men’s role of protecting their family blah blah. Heck, they would even be given an Oscar win ten minutes later and allowed to make a speech of another sob story about the importance of love, family and protecting it- as if it justifies attacking unassuming people. Other hosts would be asked to lighten up the mood, to create a cute little atmosphere to pretend it’s over, and all the hot shot celebrities would come during the intermission to console them- the assaulter- because they are the real victim to lose their temper, right?
And the best part is the young girls’ part, as always. They should learn that they are not individuals with their own rights and strengths to defend themselves and instead they should accept their need for their men’s protection from “others”- heaven forbid if they should confront them themselves in methods more direct than rolling their eyes. What does it take to understand that, as a woman, if you don’t want your name in the mouths of “other” people, and your husband is the guarantor of it, then, in this society, as wicked as it may be, your name will never be anything more than Mrs. Smith? Tough luck, you have to take care of your own self to be taken seriously – or an equal.
All of this craziness, because of a harmless hair- movie association joke. On the moment of that slap, I remembered Michael Jackson. What he had to put up with all through his life. Endless, hurtful, debilitating, gut-wrenching insults, name callings and racist remarks. Betrayal of people he trusted who made up stories to rip off money from him and caused him to be subjected to public humiliation and police brutality. Growing up, entertaining people every night to earn a living for his family, entering venues from the back doors due to segregation- even when he was already very famous-, a childhood spent on the roads or cheesy motels with elder brothers having sex with deranged fans on the next bed, enduring constant abuse to achieve perfection, neglect of the most bitter kind and lifelong crippling physical pain due to a stage accident early in his career. Despite all of these hardships that were well publicized, and having talents from out of this world, I’ve never witnessed another person so unjustly and cruelly bullied by the media, day and night; yet I’ve never heard or seen another person so adamantly standing up for his principles and never losing his dignity, decency or giving in from his principles to utter even an unkind word to another human being.
Then I recalled a story Will Smith told on a show once that he was at a party when he was a young celebrity and when he wanted to approach Michael Jackson, his bodyguards simply didn’t recognize him from his show Fresh Prince, and that show was big. That’s how famous of a star Michael Jackson was… There never was anyone like him, he had no equal, yet he was unapologetically humble and kind- that was part of his legacy. He and other black people had to endure those hardships, so that Will Smiths of the next generation would have a rightfully earned front row seat among their colleagues. And they get up so easily from those seats to erase all that hard work.
It is a general rule; if we come from a less favorable circumstance in society, we have to work twice as hard. And every mistake we make, or even the unfortunate coincidences that happen in a split second that make us look less tolerable are twice as magnified. Probably we have traumas already, probably we have to work also to heal ourselves and our families in the meantime. Our background becomes a baggage we have to carry: We become representatives of our society until our society blends in and accepted. Unfortunately Hollywood is not there yet. Unfortunately, his act will reflect on black society, not in a good way. I’m sorry if that sounds unfair.
But I have news: If Life is fair, then that level of fairness is unbeknownst to me.
Will Smith did get up from his seat with a demeanour so much in contrast to what Jackson stood for. Determined to show the host that “bothered” his wife, to humiliate, to put down, to boost his own ego at the expense of that person, his feelings, his career, his pride, his family’s pride. I wish I hadn’t seen that smug satisfied look on his face on that long way back to his seat. Or when he insulted and shouted from his seat- cursing. Or when he apologized to everyone but his victim during his acceptance speech. Or when his wife or son tweeted “This is how we do it” afterwards. I can’t imagine Chris Rock having to go through the rest of the night, to get on the stage again, to continue his show trying not to look in their direction or how he slept that night. Did he deserve it? Really? Millions were watching.
I can’t help but compare him to MJ and find his behavior wanting in every aspect. What is Will Smith’s legacy? Does it matter to have a legacy anymore? Or being a celebrity is just about expensive houses, cars and fancy clothes that they can show off like little children at a birthday party now? Does it have any importance, say, to be an artist? “The pursuit of happiness” is one of my favorite movies, where a young father struggles desperately to make a door to door sales work so that he could look after his child. Will Smith did a terrific job and that was the only movie that caused me to take him as a serious actor. Is he the same person that slapped a comedian trying to do his job on stage because he said “Jada, love you, can’t wait for GI Jane 2!” to his wife? Does he have any perspective in life and what really matters for ordinary people, what their struggles are?
Was it a coincidence that he performed so brilliantly in that movie, or did he really know another fellow man’s heart? I’m not sure anymore.
Here is a confession: I’m getting less optimistic every day with the erosion of love, tolerance and respect. Culture, knowledge, wisdom are all down the drain. Every day we lose our grips on another tradition that we held close to our hearts that reminds us of civilization and courtesy. Academy Awards had lost it already due to their racial non-diversity and gender inequality long before, but its complete inaction in the face of a criminal behaviour was the last straw.
Ego has taken the front row seat that day. So much was lost.
To the hermit in the cave, just so you know: It was a dark day.
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